A Random Shooting is Downplayed as "Vandalism"

A Random Shooting (A SERIOUS CRIME) is Downplayed as "Vandalism" (an inconvenience). Thanks, Borneo Post.

Make Up Your Mind

Saw this while browsing the newspaper:

Sky Lanterns : Fun, Fun Fun!

Then, a few pages later in the SAME newspaper:

 

 

Sky Lanterns : Bad! Bad! Bad!

Make up your mind, BorneoPost.

JKR Transformed! Public-friendly! Efficient! Insert Keyword Here!

Apparently, in today's really special news, "sectional" transformation of the Public Works Department (JKR) of Sarawak has made it more public-friendly.


 "Assistant Minister of Early Childhood Education and Family Development Rosey Yunus said the transformation had helped the people solve infrastructural issues in their areas. “To me, the acronym JKR stands for Service Network for the People. No doubt, the department all this while has helped us a lot in dealing directly with our basic infrastructure needs,” she Assistingly Ministered when officiating at JKR Northern Region’s Jalinan Mesra Dinner at Dynasty Hotel on Sunday."

 J.K.R. is the acronym of Service Network for the People. Errr, do we really understand what acronym is? Or was that acronumb? I thought I read acronym.

"The transformation would enable the people to directly refer their complaints or problems to the department’s Water or Road sections."

Holy Fighting Transformers! What a wonderful transformation that is! Direct referral of complaints or problems to departments, instead of indirect! Who'd would have thought of THAT? GENIUS. HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND AND A ROUND OF GOLF EVERYBODEE!

Booya! Genius solution! Who'd have thunk it!

"Miri Divisional Engineer Goh Soon Bon in an earlier address said the department’s transformation programme known as ‘JKR New Face’ was implemented after three years’ study to increase the professionalism, effectiveness and efficient cost standard in the state JKR."

Studying the increase is great. But what about looking at the decrease, inefficiency, and unprofessionalism instead?

"Under this programme, the state department set up its regional office at three main zones: northern, middle and southern. These three zones would supervise and manage more than RM500,00 worth of federal and state government development projects. The department’s divisional office would be taking care of government assets and manage projects below RM500,000."

OK, so "500,00" does not correspond to a correct use of commas in a number, unless we are following some European system, in which case, that figure would be just RM500. But - we'd let it slide.. it's a Borneo Post news story, after all. But seriously, what an idea. Miri is like, one big place. So, you divide it into three sections, and GOLLY GEE WHIZ IT'S EASIER TO MANAGE. You'd have to wonder, why didn't ANYONE think about it the past 10 years or so Miri became a city.

Unimpressed.

Miri Isn't Going to Replace Kuching as the Capital of Sarawak

The Queen isn't impressed

  Here's why it is not a very clever statement: The capital is going to be capital, that's it. Miri, even if it is going to be better developed than Kuching, is still not going to be a capital.

Haha, no.

Chief Minister Tan Sri Adenan Satem was quoted as saying "Miri is catching up with Sibu and Kuching", and that it would not be surprising that if it overtook the popularity.  You don't make a city a capital of the state just because of popularity. It would look like this NST journalist confused "popularity" with capital.

Canberra is the capital of Australia. But Sydney is much more popular. Wellington is the capital city of New Zealand. Auckland is more well known. You getting da drift now?

If Chief Minister Tan Sri Adenan Satem had really said those words, he probably only said it to please the Mirians. But it's not a clever statement at all. This Mirian certainly isn't impressed. The Queen was even less impressed.

End of story.

Miri to be more confusing with a new place called "Marina Parkcity"

Awesome new place called Marina ParkCity. Except it's called Arcadia Square. Or something. It's not near the Marina, not a park, but it is near a city. In Malaysia, getting 1/3 correct qualifies getting it right. It looks awesome now in the rendering, but once completed will probably look nothing like it. Certainly there won't be so many sports cars or Bentleys.

Yay, more big projects for places with similar sounding names!

The Marina Parkcity project when completed will bring Miri City to a higher level, making the city more confusing to both locals and foreigners who will confuse it with Parkcity Everly Hotel or the Marina Bay.

With a name like Marina Parkcity, the project site is bound to give more confusion to people who call up each other to meet at locations with the name "Marina" and "Parkcity". Cue the following conversations:

A: "Hello! Meet me at Parkcity"
B: "OK No prob, dude!"
*B drives to Parkcity Everly*
B: "Hey, where are you I don't see you!"
A: "Parkcity! I don't see you either!"
B: "I am at Parkcity! Waiting at the front"
A: "I AM at the front."
B: "Parkcity Everly?"
A: "I am at MARINA parkcity"
*A drives to the Marina Bay*
A: "OK I'm here. Where are you?"

Phone conversation continues for another 15 minutes until realization etc.

Sound familiar to you? Because it's the same deal with places with the names "Boulevard",  "Imperial", "Palace", "Marina", "Permaisuri". In the case with "Boulevard", last I counted, Miri has about 1,245,322,675,757.33 places with that name, ranging from small outlets to departmental stores to commercial centres to cold storage to restaurant!

(Incidentally, the places with the name Boulevard in Miri doesn't actually mean what the word "boulevard" supposed to mean. Don't understand? Look it up in Wikipedia.)
 
So, anyway, its first phase has been completed and the project is entering its second phase. Which have both already has been sold out. Because you know, Mirians are rich - they have oil wells sticking out of their backyards, remember?

Read more: http://www.theborneopost.com/2014/02/27/miri-to-be-more-attractive-with-marina-parkcity-lee/#ixzz2uVttEELK

Link http://marinaparkcity.com/

Bruneian Attacked, Mirians Say "LALALALA Didn't See Anything, Not my Business"

Typical Malaysians?

What's up everyone, Happy New Year! How's the year 1914?

Just came back from my home planet and immediately we get some crime news:

  A man from neighboring Brunei crossed the border to Miri afternoon and parked his car at eMart and went to a money changer to change some sweet, sweet favorable RM ≠ B$ currency.

E-Mort, one of the shitiest areas in Miri.

 Of course, as luck would have it - or should we say an unnaturally high percent chance - this being Miri eMart area we're talking about - upon coming out, he sees three men trying to force open his car.


 So, he did what anyone would do - he shouted and confronted the men. This turned into a scuffle, and one of the criminal brandished his knife and slashed him on the hands. In the news report from BruDirect - the people around him are either oblivious to it or simply did not care to assist him, call the police, or provide some medical help. Okay, so medical help is expecting too much, since many Malaysians in general don't know Jack Schitt about first aid anyway, and any attempts will probably make it worse.

Wow,

So anyway, defense successful (or unsuccessful - depending on how you interpret), bloods gushing from both cut wounds on his arms and windows of his vehicle smashed, the victim somehow managed to drive back across the border where he received immediate medical attention at the Suri Seri Begawan Hospital in Kuala Belait.

His real mistake? He went to e-Mart - a place where even this Mirian avoids like the plague.

http://brudirect.com/national/national/national-headlines/14017-mirians-turn-blind-eye-as-bruneian-fought-for-his-life

Senior Officials Seldom Available to Duties, Does Crappy High Fives Instead

Many have been complaining that senior officials from public bodies and government agencies are too slow to respond to the needs of the public. This is despite being "in compliance with the Government’s Key Performance Index (KPI)".

Presumably, this Key Performance Index is to present to themselves how good they are and therefore it means that they deserve bonuses and raises while they go out playing yet another round of golf:

"We're so good we announce an index saying that we perform well! And because we perform well, we give ourselves bonuses and raises!"  *crappy high five*

Most common complaints are that some senior officials' signatures are required in several important documents, but because they are seldom around, these officers are either always “outstation”, “tied-up in meetings” or “on leave”.

Also common complaints include the District Office, Miri City Council, Natural Resources and Environment Board and Environment Department were labelled being too slow to perform their service. On top of that, the police,  Road Transport Department, Public Works Department, Drainage and Irrigation Department, National Registration Department, Welfare Department, Miri Hospital, and pretty much everything else, were cited as “struggling to improve”.

Some of these complaints appeared on the state PAS website.

The hardest hit are the people who come to these departments from the rural areas, seeking signatures of senior officers to endorse forms related to statutory declaration, but are then told that these officials are not in. The counter personnel would often give excuses, saying that these officers are either out for meetings or on leave and telling the visitors to come back another day. Because transportation to and fro from rural areas are needlessly complicated, requiring 4x4s, boats, planes, bicycles, hiking, jumping through fire hoops and outrunning rolling boulders, this can be a costly affair.

“This sort of pathetic service is causing a lot of hardship to the people, especially those who have to spend a lot of money just to travel to the city and get their documents signed,” according to the party’s deputy state commissioner Jofrie Jaraiee.

 So, on the opposite end of the (weighing) Scale (pun CLEARLY intended HAHAHAR) when asked for comments, Assistant Communications Minister and Senadin assemblyman Datuk Lee Kim Shin assistingly communicated that while he would not respond to complaints posted by PAS, he would speak to the heads of various departments mentioned to determine the truth.

 Naturally the Yes Men are going to say, "huh we haven't heard of such complaints-clearly PAS must be lying and making up stories", and then proceed to give themselves crappy high-fives and more bonuses and raises.

Crappy High-Five!!

"Crappy high-five all around everybodee!"

http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Community/2013/12/27/Officials-nowhere-to-be-seen-Not-in-in-meetings-and-on-leave-among-top-public-complaints/

Police: Surrender Homemade Firearms Now!

This is a firearm. It's illegal to make one in your home. I think that's the one.

Apparently, Mirians have real talent for manufacturing dangerous things - there are some people who are making firearms in their homes! Why? Well to shoot Bambi of course!

Miri police chief, ACP Mun Kock Keong, has said that arrests and fatalities involving homemade firearms has occured in Miri and also other areas of Sarawak. And people are still making firearms for hunting or for sale, despite being warned sternly not to shoot themselves or their loved ones (either accidentally, or deliberately).

He said, “I would like to issue another warning to those in possession of homemade firearms — what they are doing is a very serious offence under the law where upon conviction, the punishment can be very heavy with lengthy jail sentences."

“Possession of any firearm without a licence is a very serious crime, regardless of whether the firearms are made at home or made in the factory,” he said.

“There have been numerous cases of children getting killed because of these weapons in their houses that had been discharged accidentally."

These cases are happening from Taman Tunku and Kuala Baram. That pretty much covers Miri from one end to the other.

"If you have a firearm, you will need to surrender them immediately to the nearest police station. "

"Don’t wait until you have to pay a ‘deadly’ price,” he warned.

On the latest seizure of two homemade firearms in Lambir on Friday, two men were found possessing an air gun and a shotgun, complete with a handfull of bullets. Investigation revealed that these two men had manufactured these weapons for hunting purposes. The penalty is still very severe even if the homemade firearms are only for the purpose of hunting, but there are no specifics on how severe.

On a typical hunt..

http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Community/2013/12/24/Serious-crime-says-ACP-Mun-Police-warn-people-to-surrender-homemade-firearms-or-face-severe-conseque.aspx

Deliberate Oil Dumping in Senadin Will Start a Zombie Apocalypse

 

Photos from Malaysian Nature Society Miri Facebook Page

  Some miscreant dumped a barrel of what seemed to be oil or tar near the Golden Royal Villa housing area in Senadin. After the discovery on 17th November 2013, a report was made to the Department of Environment (DOE) or Jabatan Alam Sekitar (JAS).

Photos from Malaysian Nature Society Miri Facebook Page

  The DOE (JAS) responded quickly to the situation by cordoning off the area by the next day (November 18th), sternly warning the dumped oil not to move around and to stay confined within the taped area.

   It is not known who is the culprit that is unhappy with the grass being green in colour and wanted to change it to black. Because oil on to the ground would seep deep into the ground, this is Bad. Why is that Bad? Well, we spent so much money and time trying to get crude oil from under ground to the surface by the use of oil well, only to send it back underground again - well that's just plain stupid.

  Also, more importantly would be that thing about how that oil will contaminate with underground water. As we all know life needs water, specifically, PLANTS:

Here is a picture of a plant. We're certain because it says "Plants" at the bottom.

 By polluting the underground water the plants will die or grow awry.. When that happens......

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

No plants are going to push back a zombie invasion. We will all die in a Zombie Apocalypse.

Similar discoveries such as pollution or deliberate toxic waste dumping should be made to aduan_k@doe.gov.my .  If we don't do it for green coloured grass, do it for zombie apocalypse prevention.

Malaysian Nature Society Miri Facebook Page  - https://www.facebook.com/MiriMNS

Incie Wincie SpiderMan Discovered Up a Waterspout

Spiderman at Waterspout Pipe. Photo from Borneo Post

The Miri Fire Station received a call regarding a suicide attempt spiderman attempt near Permyjaya at a training institute. The firemen arrived to see a teenager, a hospitality student, standing at the edge of his hostel window since 7am.

The firemen failed to coax the spiderman to get back into the building. Then the spiderman, for whatever reason, did a Spider Jump and hung on to the waterspout piping on the building. Apparently, he got stuck there, and then the firemen used the ladder to bring him down.

Miri deputy police chief Supt Stanley Jonathan Ringgit when met during a press conference yesterday said, “The case is being investigated as suicide attempt."

But, it's NOT a suicide attempt is it? Because, with suicide attempts, people jump DOWN, not UP and then hang off pipes.

According to Borneo Post, the police had detained the student to help facilitate their investigation. Wow, what a nice thing to do for a person who had just attempted suicide. You DETAIN him, I'm sure that'll make him feel better and not reattempt suicide.

And according to The Star Online news :

And this is the "safety net" they were talking about :

Yes, a mattress. On top of the angled concrete like that, not going to help much is it?

Incie Wincie Spiderman,
climbed up the building ledge,
then came the firemen,
get down safely-they pledged,

Incie Wincie Spiderman,
then jumped up the waterspout,
and then all the firemen
they all rescued him-  no doubt.


Read the two wildly different accounts:

Borneo Post: http://www.theborneopost.com/2013/11/30/swift-action-by-firemen-thwarts-suicide-attempt/#ixzz2m7Roj5je

The Star : http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Community/2013/11/30/High-drama-at-skills-training-institute-as-student-attempts-suicide.aspx

Twin Otter Tries Offroading in Bario

Planes are zero-wheel drive. Sorry no off road please! The Twin Otter is embarrassed.

Bario, Miri: A Maswings DHC6 (Twin Otter) on Nov 27th 2013, at Bario went off the runway and got stuck in soft ground during the end of the landing run on its way back to the terminal.

Maswings flight MH-3434 with the registration 9M-MDK flying from Miri to Bario with had landed safely on Bario's runway, taxied to the end of the runway to turn around back to the terminal when the right wheel went off the runway causing the aircraft to get stuck in soft ground.

Rare video footage of what went on during the landing:

"I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you"

Having gotten totally stuck, the passengers disembarked onto the runway, there were no injuries and no damage to the aircraft. It is not known if the pilots asked the passengers to push the stuck planes out or not..

The aircraft was eventually moved, examined and released to make the return flight MH-3435 to Miri with a delay of nearly 6 hours. Again, not sure if it is indeed the pilot asked the passengers to push it out that way.

^ Borneo Post reported that the plane has "somehow" became stuck when it turned towards the terminal. Because nobody could ever figure out how planes get stuck in soft ground. Ever. Because Borneo Post.

When interviewed, the Twin Otter said that it would never try offroading again. When asked whether if its name is Otter and where is its twin, the Twin Otter merely kept quiet and flew off into the sunset.

From:
http://www.theborneopost.com/2013/11/28/twin-otter-wheel-gets-stuck-on-grass-verge/

Terrifying Mystery Sea Creature Found Off Coast of Miri

A mystery fish about a foot long with 'terrifying tusk-like spikes' at the front near the mouth and spines along its body has been caught off the coast of Miri. It has a flat bottom, sort of like a bottom feeder.

The star of this news is Sapar Mansor, 43, from Taman Ceria, Permyjaya. He is the one who fished the strange creature out of the sea. Sapar said he and a friend went out in a fishing boat and travelled hours to the sea early in the morning for fish using fishing rods.

Among the catch is this scaly spiky tusky creature that he'd never seen before which he then brought it home to show his wife, who has decided to put it on her plate, who's probably thinking about lunch.

Yum yum?

Well eventually they decided that it was not to be eaten and they decided to dry it, preserve it and garnish it with chopped onions and... err, no.

The fish has armor-like sharp spines on the top and bottom of its body, which gets progressively smaller towards the tail.

The Protected Areas and Biodiversity Conservation Division of Sarawak Forestry Corporation (SFC) is struggling to identify the creature. Oswald Braken Tisen, the deputy general manager, said: 'SFC has not been able to established what kind of fish it is but is in the process of checking with relevant authorities.'

But we all know what that is...

That explains it once and for all.

http://www.theborneopost.com/2013/11/06/angler-catches-bizarre-mystery-fish/



OOH, UPDATE:

National Geographic identified the species with ease. According to the article it is the "spotted armour gurnard (Satyrichthys rieffeli)", sometimes called a type of "searobin".

"Holy Sea-Urchin, Sea-Batman!"

"To the Sea-BatMobile, SeaRobin!"

Upside Down Flag at Government Building

An upside down flag has been seen flying outside a government building along Jalan Mukah. According to someone recorded as speaking in the newspaper, that is "tantamount to disrespecting the symbol of the sovereignty of Malaysia".

...or is it?

According to the Glossary of vexillology in Wikipedia, flying a flag upside down is a sign of distress. What distress, I'm letting you figure it out.

Anywhoo, here's a picture, courtesy at our all time favorite news source, Borneo Post.

Taking a cue from a recent comment by the deputy minister's comments about the petrol prices (that "they didn't raise the prices, merely reduced the subsidy"), then surely this flag isn't upside down, it is merely angled at 180°.

Read more: http://www.theborneopost.com/2013/09/26/jalur-gemilang-flutters-upside-down-in-miri/#ixzz2fzGvNkqL

916 Street Party in Miri During Malaysia Day is 1/3 Malaysian

*crickets*
Ooops, wrong venue. It's not located at the Indoor Stadium

Having been rained on by Mother Nature, this 16th September "Malaysia Day" event is being hailed as the "biggest and most happening event" in Miri. Probably because there isn't much else bigger or happening in Miri at the same time. Well aside from the jams caused.

The event, which is essentially one big concert on a well-used main street, caused traffic jams and inconveniences to those that live or work in the area. And one of those inconvenienced is yours truly. Let's face it. If you're going to hold a concert in the middle of a highly used main road next to a housing estate and closing off that road instead of... I don't know, maybe, you know.. using the INDOOR STADIUM that has PLENTY OF PARKING instead of letting people PARK THEIR CARS IN FRONT OF RANDOM HOUSES BLOCKING ACCESS, yeah I figured not many would be too thrilled.

THE STADIUM IS RIGHT THERE. USE IT. IT HAS PARKING SPACES AND SOUND SYSTEMS AND SEATS. USE IT. IT HAS A ROOF TO PREVENT RAIN FROM COMING IN. USE IT. IT HAS TOILETS INSTEAD OF BUSHES AND TREES AND DRAINS. USE IT. IT ALSO HAS BEEN DESIGNED FOR EXACTLY THESE KINDS OF PURPOSES.

The Miri Stadium looks like a blurry Robotic Blue & White Tortoise, so it must be awesome to use, right?

So enough with the complaints. Because I don't really need to. Just go out and ask someone, they'll say more things than the Internet space can contain.

So this concert consists of performances by bands and DJs that are not Malaysian.

Not Malaysian Bands and DJs, such as :

- international disc-jockey (DJ) Honey G from Bangkok
- the Mocha Girls from Philippines

 There's a singer too;

- Mizz Nina from Kuala Lumpur

Ah, well that last one was at least, from Malaysia. Scoring 1/3 isn't so bad I guess. It's an acceptable standard in these parts. In Malaysia, one-third is a pass with flying colors.

Read more: http://www.theborneopost.com/2013/09/17/downpour-fails-to-dampen-miri-street-party/#ixzz2f7uH5g2M

Putting 2 & 2 Together : Great Diving Sites & Most Offenses

I saw this headline in our favorite online news site - Borneo Post - recently:

and then, I saw this headline :

=

Big-Screen Buffs Rejoice: TGV to Open Cinema in Miri 2014

"Big....screen...."

TGV Cinemas Sdn Bhd will open an eight-screen cinema complex in Miri, Sarawak by early next year. So besides Star Cineplex (the Low-Calorie version) and Golden Screen Cinema (the Diet version - I think), TGV is going to open an eight-screen cinema complex very soon. Probably to be called Sugar-Free version.

Where in Miri though? I have no freakin' idea. Uh, they forgot to tell.

Possible guesses: That new building in front of Imperial Mall? Because that building is like the kid in school who tries to outdo everything you did, one-up everything you had, and even try to have the same friends you had. It's just that kind of building. In this case that buidling looks like it is trying to one-up Bintang Megamall. Which is fine, because no one really likes Bintang Megamall anyway. Because of the jams it causes. Buildings cause traffic jams? Welcome to Miri.

So, I digress a little bit.

What can you do with eight screens?  8 screens * 2 hour movies = 16 hours of viewing time, that's practically waking person's whole day! After which is 8 hours of sleep, perfect for the Big Screen Junkie / soon-to-be-zombie.

Feed me movies... moar.. I SAID MOAR MOVIES

If what I'm reading is correct, it seems like Miri is TGV's first foray into East Malaysia. They "may expand" to Kuching and Kota Kinabalu in time. You know, probably starting with Mirian as guinea pigs.

Because we all know all Mirians (in the eyes of elsewhere) are all just lounging around on oil with oil wells sticking out of their backyards, are rich as hell and can't spend the money quickly enough.
 

Read moar http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/showbiz/article/miri-to-see-first-tgv-cinema-in-early-2014

Storms Sprouts Watersprout; Villagers Pout

This is a bit of a late, news, but - get this, there's a waterspout in Miri, which sprouted nearby a Baram riverside village, about 9.30am on the 16th of July 2013.

According to eyewitness reports, the skies grew dark, then came the rain and sudden winds, then the all of a sudden the clouds swirl menacingly and danced around in the sky as a storm brewed up, and like something out of a movie, the water started rising upwards to form a tornado of the seas - a watersprout! And then all hell broke loose.

This is not a watersprout

The winds and resulting waterspout reached land and was so strong that it tore up a nearby local mill's zinc roof structure and sent various parts flying around the skies for a nice bird's eye view of the Baram river delta before coming back onto the ground, albeit in a slightly different shape. 

Mill employee and eye witness Azman said that during the time of the incident, he and his colleagues were working when the skies grew dark and he heard a clap of thunder. He looked out and saw the watersprout incoming at intense speed. Obviously by then he immediately took refuge like any sane person would.

Just as quickly as it had come, the waterspout dispersed. Because waterspouts can't exist on land. They turn into bean sprouts when they hit land, and make a very crunchy treat in Laksa. Yes, I'm pretty sure I have my facts right about that one.

The resulting storm and winds also blew away several stalls nearby and wrecked havoc on several people who were setting up ther stalls nearby early. Two women and a man had to be hospitalized for it.

Apparently the river / port authorities have not issued a storm or waterspout warning.

Waterspouts have occured offshores in Miri before and there have been plenty of reports and photos taken in the previous years, and the locals have a tendency to call it a tornado or twister. I can understand tornado, but I can't understand how the water would play Twister. I suspect it would cheat and just slop all over the Twister Mat.

 But anyways this recent one was the first that I at least, have heard that reached land and caused destruction and injuries. We can all blame the climate change all we like, but personally I just think Poseidon sneezed. The clap of thunder just before the whole ordeal just reinforces this.
 

This is a waterspout

Read more : http://www.seehua.com/node/85913